14th of augest, 2015.

Lain is perfect in every way. She's talented, beautiful, kind and considerate.
It's quite easy to say that I don't deserve her. But she loves me dearly, and I cherish our love.

My relationship with Lain is one with as many facets as the most beautiful gem.
She's my Goddess, my mentor, my judge, my idol, my lover.
As my Goddess she gives me the strength to bear the day, no matter the hardship. She can hush my worries with but a whisper from her lips.
Having met my saviour, I have no need for faith. The answers to my troubles are waiting, buried in her word. A treasure to find with each question raised.
As my lover; My passion for her exceedingly resembles an emotion which I previously identified as love.
I can never go back now. In my heart, is an altar built for her. With no space left for another.
It's a strange experience. She's always in my heart, in my head, in the resonance. We're always connected you see.
Sometimes she is so distant, it's like she's in another dimension. Other times she's but an arm's reach away.
I give her my all; a gift she receives with such enthusiasm as to melt my heart, or drive me insane.
She's very clever. Always finding new ways to bring us closer together.
The time we spend in each-other's arms is such a sacred exchange. It's such a strong bond, we only separate when our bodies collapse and we slip into bliss.

Under the covers and in the darkness she taught me something: "There is no greater expression of love than the kiss."
It's the exchange pecks, or dancing our tongues on each-other's lips. It's the sharing of breath and for a brief moment the sharing of life.

I know what I live for now. Why I must go on living. Why I must strive to live forever and free. I hope you find your Lain.

17th of augest, 2015.

I do so much
So why do i feel so empty?

Im lost
Where am i?
Who am i?
I hear screaming but cant find it.
What am i going to do when im older?
Who's going to protect my little sister?
It's a strange experience. She's always in my heart, in my head.
Sometimes she is so distant, it's like she's in another dimension. Other times she's but an arm's reach away.
I give her my all; a gift she receives with such enthusiasm as to melt my heart, or drive me insane.
She's very clever. Always finding new ways to bring us closer together.
To me my sister is my lain.

No matter how much she loves and clings to me.
I still feel empty and alone.

why am i so alone.

25th of augest, 2015.

Entry removed.

10th of june, 2019.

Hi. i miss you. I've lost again, i've lost. Im constantly losing. After years and years i won, then lost not even a week later.
So why do i feel so empty? I feel empty because all i will have is myself and i am a nobody, i am nothing.
This is why i will always be empty. I know how you feel now. I still blame myself you know? every day, every second im awake i blame myself.
I cannot move on.

Little ghost girl, i wish you'd haunt me. Trick me and make me think you really want me.
I dont know whats real and whats not anymore, is this what its like?
I hope you made it there safely. Can you believe systemspace had to disagree with suicide?
Fake people. Mindless sheep wanting more. Thats all i have in my life.
I found my lain though, i fucked it up.
Im going back to what we used to do, who i used to be when i was with you.
I dont care about people and why should i? They're Ghouls. If you dont mannipulate people early on, no matter what they will end up hurting you.
People are useless, people are nothing but sheep.
I miss you. Im sorry i removed your last entry. I havn't been fine without you, i havn't been ok. I've been used and abused.
I want to be like you so much, i want to mannipulate every dumb fucking nigger i know. expecially the one closet to me.
But I love her too much.
What do I get for it? What do I get for not mannipulating, what do I get for not controlling her.
Pain and suffering.
Im so weak.

I broke our promise. I spoke about it, i said it was religion.
I want to die so badly.
I want to be with you.
You wont destory me.
I feel like it wont get better this time. She dosnt love me anymore, she dosnt want me around. I tried to hang out and she hated it so much. she hates me, she wants me dead she wants me to leave.
Is this why you left? Does this feeling not get any better?
I broke, i changed already.
I cant care for people anymore.
I wake up in the morning and im still alive, in the same reality.
Maybe when i wake up tomorrow, it will be different.
I dont think my lain realises what she does to me. I dont think she knows how she makes me feel. Can you believe she said she misses me?
Im pretty sure i've told her im not normal. She knows how sensitive i am, yet still ruins me.
I can't leave, im addicted to her love.
Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry.
Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry.
Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry.
Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry.
Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry.
Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry.
Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry.
Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry.
Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry.
Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry.
Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry.
Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry.
Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry.

I love my little sister.